all is peaceful on the home front...tired

well the drama is over...it was a friday, end of the week, bitch session for me the last time I wrote and my husband got me at a bad time...after a long day of organic chem and work...no big deal anymore...I'm pretty tired and wish I could take the summer off from school...it would be nice to just chill for a while. I'm smoking again...cigs that is...after about two weeks...drinking always sucks me back in...my two goals for the summer are to get back in shape...so I can walk up a flight of stairs without huffing and puffing and to get some order and routine back in my life so things in general run more smoothly...its getting difficult to juggle everything when things are out of wack and in fast forward.G is so friggin cute...he's learning his colors and can count to 5...Shy is the best sister ever..thank God she helps me out. Today I did an Alzheimers test for a 99 year old woman...she was so cute and so animated...at times i thought i was going to break out into hysterical laughter cause she was making these crazy faces at me while thinking of the answers...and I had to shout at her bcs her hearing was so bad...she was very sharp though and scored better than a lot of ppl I've seen 20 yrs younger...when I gave her the depression test, she got emotional and was talking about how lonely she was bcs she moved in with her son and left NY and all of her old friends behind...she said her daughter in law was abrupt with her and then she started to hold the tears back...I wanted to grab her and take her home with me...this is the 2nd test in a row I've done and gotten so emotionally involved in...I cried after my last patient..he walked out of the test bcs he was performing so badly and he knew it...he put his head in his hands and was choking back the words and holding the tears at bay...he kept apologizing to me..when his wife saw him she got really concerned...he kissed my cheek and said he couldn't do anymore and had to leave...when I told my boss they had left and why, I started to cry. I don't know what kind of doctor I will be if I can't hold it together to administer a simple alzheimers test...most of the patients are from money and have families and healthcare...imagine people with nothing and noone... well I hope I can show them some compassion for the amount of time they spend with me...i may be biasing the results by not keeping my tester objectivity but whats more important...reaching out to someone when they are fragile or scewing a few numbers by being a little compassionate. i think I like working with the elderly population...i never thought I would feel that way...but they have nothing to prove...they are generous and kind and always have great advice and generally a good sense of humor...maybe we lose our selfishness, competetiveness, and judgemental criticism as we age...here's hoping I'm around that long to see it in myself...goodnight...stay well